Back Off : Why I hate backless dresses

All dresses from Topshop


Time for a little fashion rant. Apart from being gorgeous, what do all three of these dresses have in common?

The answer, is that I will NEVER buy them, despite their gorgeousness, because from the back they look like this:



Now, I don't have a massive bust, but I am a D cup, and personally I'm just not comfortable going bra-less. I believe that generally most women feel the same way, and in my experience as a stylist I've found only a handful of smaller-chested ladies who are completely comfortable going without any support. Let's face it, it's generally not that comfortable going without any support whatsoever (the last time I had to do it was when I was in a musical at college, and didn't have any choice over the costume I was wearing. I was constantly afraid that an errant boob was going to escape over, under or through the overly-large arm holes of my top. Especially as I was dancing. Seriously, who designed that costume?) and then there's the whole nipple issue, not great with any fabric that's on the thin side, as any change in temperature can lead to, well, pointyness, and for anyone with a darker skin tone, they actually may well find that they can show through the fabric of the dress completely. Not the best look on a day to day basis.

So it does irk me when so very many pretty dresses at the moment have such low backs. It's not just the completely backless versions like those pictured above that are an issue, nope, there are those sneaky low back dresses that fool you into thinking that you can wear them, and then when you try them on you realise that they come just  below your bra. In a way these are worse, at least the completely backless dresses are 'open' about their backlessness. They sit on the rail, taunting me with their prettiness, but I know that there's just no way it's going to happen. The sneaky low back dresses actually have made it into my wardrobe before now, as I just think 'ah, they're only a little bit too low, and I have one of those low back bra adaptor thinkies!

Unfortunately, when the time comes around to wear the sneaky low back dress, I don the low back bra adaptor thingy, and soon remember that it's actually more like some sort of medieval torture device than underwear.

smiling, or wincing?

If you've never tried one of these feats of underwear 'engineering', the concept is that you attach a large elasticated strap to the back of your bra, and wrap it around your middle, thus pulling the bra down by basically cantelevering it against your belly. Surprisingly enough, after wearing for a few minutes, this becomes incredibly uncomfortable, and also creates some interesting lumps and bumps. Fabulous.

So, until I can afford fabulous couture where backless dresses have built in cups and corsetry (ah, bliss) I'll continue to both lust after, and hate, backless dresses



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